On the evening of my oldest son’s sixth birthday, I find myself thinking about that age, and the past six years. He is so full of questions, as was I at his age. I can remember questioning everything and driving my parents crazy. I can also remember having many questions for God. I was very unhappy that I had to wait and see what life had in store for me. I wanted to know what I would grow up to be, who I would marry, where I would live, and everything else. I didn’t think it was fair to have to wait to know.
This process didn’t really end for me as I got older. I still had the same questions in high school and even college. I didn’t understand why God couldn’t just give me a little peek at what my life would be.
Now, as I look back, I am grateful. I know now that God knew exactly what He was doing. He knows what we can handle and what we can’t, and what we need to wait to know.
If someone told me six years ago that today I would have not one, but three sons, I would have been terribly overwhelmed. My poor first time mommy mind would not have been able to comprehend that.
If I knew when the year started which love ones would pass on before the year was done, I would be completely devasted.
If I knew when I woke up each morning what catastrophes and injuries I would have to take care of (or that I would spend three hours at urgent care, or clean up vomit, or find a way to scrape glow in the dark goo out of my car) I might just stay in bed.
I find myself continually grateful that, in my not knowing, I took the path I did. I found my way to where God always wanted me, holding on to Him and leaning on His grace each day.
I do that now more than ever. I wake up and pray that God will give me the love and patience to handle it all. My son and I pray that on the way to school each morning. I hope that will start to help him understand that the answers will come, just not as fast as the questions. And that’s ok. It’s just fine to wait and find out.