“Be still and know that I am God” Psalms 46:11
I’ve heard this all my life. So many times. And I’m not good at it. I’m not good at being still. I’m good at going and moving and doing. And my brain is even worse. It’s constantly thinking and planning, problem solving and problem creating. Even if my body is still, my brain is running sprints.
The problem has only gotten worse since I’ve had kids. “Did I pack their lunches?”, “Is the laundry done?”, “Where is his stuffed animal?”. It’s constant. And then, there’s the more anxiety inducing thoughts: am I doing enough to make their childhood magical? Am I doing too much to allow it to be magical? Am I disciplining them enough? Too much?
Yesterday, I was going in to wake up my middle from nap, so that bedtime wouldn’t be too tough and so that we could make it to yet another activity. I gently woke him and was about to leave the room. Before I could, he rolled over and laid his head in my lap. I stared at him, his beautiful messy hair and perfect skin. I played with his hair and rubbed his back.
In that quiet moment, I got my reassurance. These boys were made for me and I was made for them. I am what they need, exactly when they need it. I may not be perfect, but they love me. And that is enough. God knew what He was doing when He created my family. He orchestrated the most beautiful possibility. In that moment, I knew that He was in control and He would guide me in all these decisions both big and small, because He is God. I knew all of this, because for that small moment, I was still.